Postpartum

Last week when I was on my 3rd week of postpartum, I had to drive out to the mart with baby. And then I picked up my first born, then drove home with both of them strapped at the backseat. The newborn started crying and I panicked a bit. That day, I haven’t had a proper meal so I lowkey felt drowsy and could faint during the drive.

It reminded me of ‘Servant’ where Catherine was casually driving out for groceries during her confinement. When I watched the show before, it felt like a bizarre concept to me until I had to do it. Contrary to the typical Asian confinement where we are expected to sit and do nothing during the healing period. But I had no choice and it didn’t feel really bad.

When I was on a road where I could see endless sky of clouds, I felt truly lonely.

In between of endless breast-feedings, and sometimes baby is fussy can’t be settled, my body is ache all over, sleep deprived, hungry & wanting good food all the time -

 I feel alone.